Hello all,
I just wanted to share my experiences as a gay in the Ruhr-area of Germany with you.
The personal coming out
You don't wake up in the morning and become gay. No, it is a process and also a journey that you first have to go on yourself. There are very different beginnings and moments that can make you wonder. A film in which the main actor was totally great. Was it the film plot or the actor himself? Or you let your best friend get away with everything and don't really know why? Then you start to question a lot of things. For some it happens quite quickly because they realize their feelings early on, for others it takes longer. It is often a turning point in life. Do I really not want children? Can I stay here in the village? Do I have to move to the city? What if I just ignore it? The environment is also a factor: if the topic is taboo in the family or the relationship with the parents is not as open as required, you are quickly left on your own as a gay man. One must first become clear about one's sexuality. Finding yourself can be a long journey, and only then can you move on.
The coming out
After the "inner coming out", most people don’t go to their parents first, but to their best friends - and you are very curious about their reaction. Based on these experiences, the process continues at home. The biggest difficulty is finding the right time. You can't really prepare it. Mostly a certain situation is necessary and then also at this moment a good portion of courage. An example from life: "We'll put this in the attic for a while, for when you have children, then you'll be really glad for all the things that you don't have to buy right away." - "I don't think that will be necessary. We need to talk." Of course, that doesn't apply to everyone. Actually all gays can say something about it and you hear the wildest stories. From "Yeah ok, I thought so" to "Get out and never come back" everything can happen. Everyone can imagine how much courage you need to come out in front of the family.
The colleagues reactions
What is it like among colleagues? Do I have to tell them? What if they find out? How will each one react? In the end, everyone has to work that out for themselves. For me, the conversations with my colleagues were important. Hiding, so that no one would notice, was just too exhausting for me. If someone talked about family matters, I would withdraw for fear that they might ask me something about my future family plans. When asked how my weekend had been, the person had to be satisfied with a "good" or "normal". So I wanted to end that by coming out in the workshop. The method was simple. I told the biggest gossip - the man who saw himself as official newsmonger or something like that - "I'm gay. But you must not tell anyone", then the work was done in a single hour and I just had to wait for the reactions. After the first check-ins from my colleagues as to whether it was really the case, most of them were rather perplexed; but this was quickly replaced by curiosity. If someone did make a negative comment on this subject, the other colleagues defended me. I never really had to justify myself. So, on the whole, it was a good experience and it also brought me personal advantages. For example, if I was considered strange and uncommunicative before, now they knew where I stood and were more likely to give me tasks that I wasn't allowed to do before. I was able to bring more calmness into my work. I was happy to be asked more about my work because I no longer had to be careful not to give myself away. Working became easier and more pleasant. And my colleagues also became more open to each other, which benefited the whole departmental climate.
Reactions from the Group
Yes, this is where it gets difficult. There was nothing. Once an e-mail was sent, saying that we must not discriminate against anyone, regardless of gender, origin, religion or sexual orientation. That was all there was for a long time. When I asked for the special leave days for the registration of the partnership with my husband, it led to weeks of indecision. For years, I found no fellow campaigners on the subject of LGBT*IQ in the RWE Group. When I then moved from the workshop to the office, the first people were found very tentatively and the LGBT*IQ & Friends network slowly developed. Personally, it gives me insights into completely different areas of the Group. The headquarters in Essen is not just a picture on the monitor - you know people who work there. The most diverse professions or areas of responsibility are represented in our network and yet we are all united by the LGBT*IQ background and the RWE Group, which makes the network possible for us.